One morning before Christmas on the way to Stockholm Central, with my dogs and my luggage, sweaty, pushed and stressed, I stepped out of the subway onto the T together with hundreds of others- The central's overcrowded platform and gave a hasty, and friendly – because I'm usually friendly – glance at one of SL- the hosts who stood at the subway doors to oversee security. With my dogs, I can't ride the escalator so dragging the luggage, with the big dog eagerly pulling upwards and the small one anxiously pulling downwards, fully occupied with keeping the balance and trying to move on, I heard a voice below on the stairs.
”Excuse!”
What now, tänkte jag, you can't do it like this, tänkte jag. Fresh in my mind was the early evening when several security guards came after me and my little five-year-old grandson for carrying his little scooter, which he, despite his young age did not get. They felt compelled to reject us, he was tired and sad and now I thought ” but damn, is anyone going to complain now again?” Mycket riktigt, when I turned around, stood the SL host there. ” Vadå? ” sa jag, over the shoulder, not completely reversed. She took another step up the stairs and said ” Are you Christina??”
”Ja?”, I answered very poof, trying to figure out if I knew the woman in front of me.
”Förlåt, but I have read your book. Ödeläggaren. And I just want to thank you for your courage. I want to thank you from me and everyone else out there for writing it.”
I was speechless. We both looked at each other with equally wide and open eyes. She on me, me on her.
”You are so brave and I just want to say that there are many of us who are grateful for that. Out here. You should know that. What you have done means a lot. ”
I was overwhelmed and just trying to take in what she was saying.
”So thank you, Christina.”
”Men … thanks. Heartfelt thanks! Deg is important for me to hear. That's what I wanted to write the book. Help others. Tack!”
We just stood there and looked at each other, a warm light arose between us.
”But who are you?”
”Marie. One of those who follow you. I'm glad I got to say it. You are needed.”
I pulled her close to me, in the middle of the stairs, in the crowd, while the big dog pulled up and the little one down and the luggage wobbled between. We held each other deeply, heartily. And said in each other's ears that we wished everything well, på riktigt, all's Well.
Dazed and with a damp cloud over his eyes, I continued towards my train, in the hustle and bustle and she, Marie, continued to his. Such a gift! It was as if a light had fallen into me, I was giddy with gratitude, love and movement. Gratitude that I managed to write that book, and because what it says helps, på riktigt, andra människor. After this quick meeting I was filled with revitalized gratitude that something so constructive, important and great could be the consequence of Sam's deed against me and mine. And humility, before the strength I have received, which is that I could write about it. I was convinced it was important, more important than anyone who had not yet experienced anything like it could understand. Trots allt, there was enough will to support me in making that difficult book a reality. It's a victory. I feel humility. For those who have been able to take the book to heart, felt strengthened.
What happened there, in the stairs, I will never forget.
