Hey all,
today the fourth candle is lit in the candlestick and it is wonderful to see that in only two weeks the darkness will turn and the light will come back. For me who is not a Christian, this candlestick is a very welcome alternative with its six candles for each week from Mårten Goose to the Winter Solstice. For me who is not waiting for the Son of God, it gives happiness to see Time and Rhythm and how light approaches, because we are part of the space dance of the universe.
I bought the candlestick in the form of a Viking ship from a woman named Yvonne Ledin, you can find her on FB or as YLLISAR on Instagram. From there I got a couple of wonderful felted wrist warmers as well, as compensation for a small mishap.
Many ask when the next book will come, but I may disappoint you. There is nothing wrong with the ideas, but the energy. I do not have the power and the glow back. My brain tells me to just soften and cuddle and socialize and do fun things, such as I have not been able to for eternity because I have been in the curse! So to speak. Now I have finally got to see a real psychologist who has explained how it all fits together. I SHOULD NOT be tired, anser jag. No longer!
I'm so tired of the oldest part of my brain – we are animals and the oldest part of the brain that, among other things, controls the autonomic nervous system ( as I understood it ) think I'm still under threat, that I'm in danger. So the brain holds me, the one who wants me to get away from the threat, awake and puts my body in a state of immense restlessness. The stress hormone cortisol continues to be mass-produced. This of course tires out the organism that is me, because the condition has been going on for so many years, from the fact that the danger and threat were immediate and real.
Unfortunately, there is still a danger, namely the threat that I will not be able to cope financially. That's why I have to work ( except that I want to write ) but the feeling of threat simultaneously drains the organism, so I am constantly dead tired except in the moments when I do what my brain appeals to; Having a great time. Dock, I'm really not in URGENT DANGER! It's even a long time ago now. But writing THE DESTRUCTOR delayed the process. Probably the analysis of everything helped, which I had to do to write it, me to get over my PTSD. But my organism, after all, my ancient brain had to remain in the horror that has been, although not as much, because the writing helplessly aroused the old anxiety. Then there was some anxiety associated with the release as well. You forget that you are a very old brain too!
To break this, so I do not lose all strength, I must take the words of the psychologist very seriously. It's only a week since I got this very logical explained to me. It has been too many years with too much pressure. Like so many other women and especially mothers, I think I have infinite powers and just want to quickly get on the right keel and roar on.
At least now I can play. And constantly telling my body that it can be calm, I will give it food and rest and fun, so that it can stop being cut and vigilant. My intellect is not cut, my intellect has moved on a long time ago, but it is about purely physiological phenomena. Very interesting! Such an excellent concrete and tangible explanation of the tiring fatigue! And possible to fix, also in a nice way.
As a writer, it is almost impossible to get sick pay and right now everyone has a hard time getting it, so I can continue to gnaw on the door moldings, but of course I have a treasure chest at home with books to sell.
Take the opportunity to buy The Destroyer, bound or in pocket, now with personal dedication! I know there are many who have listened to the one who wants the physical book because it is so important! And exciting and awful.
I also have some copies of the latest edition of Glappet and Ebba & Didrik in my hiding place. Write to me and place an order and I will send them ASAP. Postage as usual 79 kronor will be added!
Now I'm going to cast candles! Then I'll make Caramelized Apples which I still remember how ”mrs Scott” who was the wife of the other family I lived in as an exchange student in Seattle, did. She worked as a maid of the house, quiet and shy in front of her husband, the builder. I found her down in the basement where she was standing and making these beautiful apples that looked so tempting. But I did not get to taste, because I was not a believer. Nej, I was not allowed to stay in the living room either. And then I had two tasks: go out with the garbage and clean the fat dog's ears.
It was very loving with the highly respected Scott family in the Church. She always brought the best cakes to church coffee. Scott's father scared the whole family, but they did not know about it. Or you looked through your fingers at it. As usual.
Nej, now it will be dark soon this tuesday in december and i will melt the wax and roll the beeswax candle and light the fourth candle in the waiting candlestick, but feel free to think about whether you do not want any of my books with dedication on your bookshelf!
