fiction, reality, projections

Hey all,

now I hope that for the last time I will write some kind of defense for my book The Destroyer. Of course, if it had been FICTION, I would not have said a word about my thoughts on criticism and reviews, precisely because one cannot dictate how others should perceive one's work. Through all the years of professional writing, I have read many reviews and know that the reader interprets based on his own experience and his world of thought, and that some are perceived, otherwise not and that it is in any case a subjective interpretation of text or drama and if there is nothing to say, som författare. But when it comes to The Destroyer, it's not fiction, it's about some traumatic years of my life and therefore i feel that i have to point out some factual errors in reviews, especially since there were annoyed question marks in the critics' reading as to why I did not do this or that.

And in the same vein, I would like to remind you that I was not subjected to abuse of women in the ordinary sense, or for sun and spring or even deception in the ordinary sense, but for a psychopath who was looking for what he could come across and used elaborate psychological violence to accomplish his deed – which people with psychopathic traits do, as they lack affective empathy, which makes a person evil in practice, no matter how much we wish that every human being is basically good and capable of healing. And psychopaths do not just happen to women, and psychopaths do not just come in the male gender either. This is important to remember. Now to the factual errors;

Sun and spring . Nej, I did not get sun and spring. Feel free to think about what the term can mean and what it signals, what value one puts into the concept – it can be a useful exercise.

Invest. ”Why did she not check out the funds she invested in?” asks the reviewer in SVD, but also in other reviews it has said that I have invested. I HAVE NOT INVESTED! That's the simple reason I did not check out any funds. Read the book!

Shame and guilt ; very often it is claimed that I lived in a sense of shame and guilt and that was the reason why I suffered in silence for several years. Nej, that was not the case. It is a simplification that the outsider projects on victims of various kinds of abuse and it is done in an obvious way, as if this phrase is automatically associated with certain abuses. I can not speak for other kinds of abuse, but as for us who have been exposed to psychopaths, I have so far not heard that anyone has been dominated by the feeling of shame and guilt, in relation to the others, outside the magic circle. You are dominated by completely different things. One's psyche is terrorized in every conceivable way when one is entangled in a psychopath's net and the only thing that matters is the present. Everything outside is unpredictable and threatens to become something catastrophic. As long as the present is a now without disaster, panic, hot, new confusing bids, new elements of mental separation are now good. You are completely busy parrying it to spare yourself a little, a little more. I can promise you, you who say that the victims remain in silent suffering because of shame and guilt, that one does not have time for such coquettish feelings. Shame and guilt presuppose an interaction with the outside world – who sees one and judges one – and it does not exist. The only thing that exists is what you have to deal with in relation to the psychopath. It is unfair and wrong to project this on victims of abuse. It preserves a diffuse and cruel, also illogical, notion that the victims in some way HAVE guilt and shame in that they have been sacrificed ( of sex offenders, by an alcoholic partner, by a psychopath). Strangely enough, victims of street assault or traffic offenses are not covered by this concept, probably because one understands that they are innocent of what has happened. The fact that one does not realize this when it comes to sex crimes or psychological violence is alarming. In fact, it is about deep despair and great loneliness.

When it comes to being deceived by money and / or love, it is close at hand for outsiders to mock and despise. It is very strange when the whole culture is completely perversely fixated on money and love, and it is considered admirable to be rich and loved! But woe to him who is deceived by the good things! Shame on it! Återigen, I have to remind; in my case, however, it was not about love, nor about money. The thing that drove me into his yarn and that then drove me through the years was the BOY. BARNET. Read the book!

The contempt for astrologers; I teased certain bile fever on the reviewer in DN because I ” ran to fortune tellers and astrologers”. 🙂 It's almost fun. I never ran into a fortune teller, it was the Destroyer who said he was dealing with such a thing. But I was acquainted with a very established astrologer whose identity I protect in the book so as not to harm her business. I write clearly that I am skeptical of this with horoscopes and that I absolutely do not want her to draw any tarot cards. But she does it without me asking for it when one day we meet by chance and what she says is etched in my brain, because it's exactly what the destroyer says about why he and I had met. And I do not want it in my mind, when I should try to orient myself in the madness and make a decision, where he incessantly pushes me in a direction I do not want to go. In the same direction as the astrologer says I should go, unluckily. I've still been looking for her, initially, to get some kind of guidance, and I just then chose not to go to a lawyer who could ask the questions I myself was terrified of, as you are when your world has shrunk by a psychopath and you know that outside the life-threatening bubble that has become your life, everything is even worse, for there are the consequences of what the psychopath has driven another. I consciously chose that I could not stand the dangerous questions of going to the astrologer. All this is in the book. So it was not an uncritical run to astrologers, which sounds like I let astrology decide everything.

It's really quite interesting, so here in retrospect, that our natal horoscopes were apparently the complete opposite of each other. The astrologer interpreted what she was surprised to see spit out of the computer that we were meant to complement each other. Ack, such a beautiful fairy tale! For me, it was just nasty. I also turned to a lawyer who told me that the destroyer was probably not a fraudster because he had not hidden his real name from me and because he had not already stuck with the money I had lent him.. But in the review it does not appear, just that I ” ran to fortune tellers and astrologers”. Ja, I turned to her because I could not think for myself. That is the danger with astrologers. People turn to them when they are unable to make important, perhaps life-changing, decisions. These alternative businesses have a huge responsibility for every person they meet and ” advises.” When I was drawn out of the wizard's spell circle, I turned to the astrologer in question and pointed out the power of a human being that she has. She sincerely regretted what had happened. We were opposites, however, it was true.

Everyone warned. Mina barn, mina vänner, my elderly mother, my brothers, my exman!

For some reason, it is claimed in both Svd, DN and NST. Det är intressant. I think the readers inside have warned me while reading! For the simple truth is that no one warned me because no one knew what was going on for three and a half years. What would they warn me about? I kept quiet about everything because he threatened revenge if I did not keep quiet. Because I thought that only we will get to the next point where everything is arranged, so…. until then I have to keep quiet. Det gjorde jag. So who could warn me? Comes? When?

My son was annoyed that the man lived with me for free. He was angry that I was too kind. He thought I was putting myself on the exception to help the man – which was also so ridiculous and bloated – and his son. It is not to WARN.

IF any of my loved ones had known what was going on, they would NEVER have been content to just warn! IF they had known the smallest thing, they would have STOPPED it, without delay. But NO ONE knew.

My friend, with unusually good human feeling and intuition, Lena saw that I was losing energy and seemed to feel worse and worse. Others linked it to the fact that I was mourning my father, but it was more than that. Lena works as a healer. I do not believe in that business either, but I have one hundred percent respect for her, simply because she has an ability to see what is going on with one and an extremely strong intuition and intelligent brilliance. She was the only one I could not meet because I could not play for her, be inaccessible, glad, sweep past what tormented me, hide it in talk, laughter and by constantly shifting focus away from myself. Lena who had knowledge of psychopathy linked my reluctance to contact and my growing inner division and fatigue to Sam. She asked questions. I could not answer casually because she saw through me. But she knew nothing about what was going on, that he pressured me to lend him money. She did not warn me, but had a nightmare just before the worst happened, which gave him definite power over me, but then I had already lent too much. Then she warned me. But I could not believe in a dream. I had a man who was going to kill himself, in front of me, it was more crucial. Nobody knew anything about the money. So who warned me? As for my old mother, she thought it was good that there was a man in my home. She perceived that I felt good about taking care of him and his son, and in a way it was true, during periods. She contacted my brothers when she was afraid I was breaking down when I had to sell my home. – then it had been going on for three years – but it was not connected to the destroyer, but to the fact that I had not been able to work and earn my living.. ( admittedly because of the destroyer but no one knew) So who warned me, I wonder in amazement. Jo, after two and a half years when everything was already lost, I told everything to my confidant, Malik, but not because I distrusted the destroyer for being the bandit he was, but because I had a diffuse feeling of being threatened with death and would surely die soon. Until he heard it all, Malik had not, as little as anyone else, guessed what was going on. He had liked the man who was the destroyer. But when I had told just about everything to Malik… Of course, then he warned me. He said I was brainwashed. He was right.

So where in the book are these warnings that the reviewers annoyingly say have been issued along the way and that I should have listened to instead of contemptuously go under? Sorry, no one came until everything was late. NO ONE KNEW.

Som sagt, if the Destroyer had been fiction, I would not have said a word about the reviews, but the book describes a couple of years' reality. Only because of that do I have to write these very boring blogs that I understand bore my readers.

But it is undoubtedly interesting that these critics have read quite a few factual errors. The strangest thing is that none of the SEVERAL HUNDREDS of emails I have received from unknown people have read these factual errors in the text, but of course there are probably several hundred readers out there who HAVE read these things into the text. But it's not really that dangerous, more than I want to say mine – because even if it irritates them so much that it almost turns into contempt, it basically testifies to a kind of innocent care for the person who has happened so badly. I think it would have been easier to endure the misfortune that the woman in such detail forces on the reader, if she had ”invested” if she was silent in her suffering because of ”guilt and shame” , if she had received ” warnings” and yet was so stupid that she did not listen, but instead ”ran to fortune tellers and astrologers”. It would have been easier to handle! There had been explanations as to how things could go so badly, which can still be embraced with their reason, because there are certainly stupid people completely different one yourself out there. It is much easier to accept than the presence of evil people. But read a little about psychopathy, it is useful reading. If I had done it myself, I might never have ended up where I ended up.

so short and sweet; I overlook the factual errors, but I have to correct them.

Well a PS. Any, among others Francke in NST is amazed that I have gone on his ” improbable stories”. I do not understand that at all! Reality always surpasses poetry and improbable stories abound in reality. His story was no more unlikely than the one I tell about my own life in The Destroyer. And one more PS; I was in Brazil with him and visited his family in the poor village he came from. He had risen from poverty as a little boy and come to the United States on a scholarship. He wanted to change his life for the better for his mother and siblings. His father was a very dangerous man. The destroyer was in every way different his incubator, weird, religious family and had made different kinds of impressions in the world with their different talents and done well, probably due to his psychopathy. (This did not fit in the book.)

Om Christina Herrström

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19 answers to fiction, reality, projections

  1. Annika Blomberg skriver:

    Christina!
    I have read (listened to) your book and understand that many of those who now speak out have just skimmed through it, alternatively, it has been carelessly retold by someone who has never heard of the "normalization process".
    I can say that I am impressed that you managed to climb up again and would like to quote Stenmark: Here is no 'to explain' to one who does not 'understand'…
    Think of you every day when I pass Medborgarplatsen on the way to my curatorial job.
    Allt gott!
    Annika

  2. Louice Johansson skriver:

    Listening to the book now…Thank you for sharing this devastating experience. The book conveys that anyone can be entangled and drawn into the psychopath's grip. All that is required is the compassion that the psychopath does not have.
    Louice

  3. Kathy skriver:

    Hi!
    I have read your book which is a real thriller and I understand that everyone can end up in a psychopath's net regardless of life situation, social background and level of education.
    I do not think you need to defend and explain to readers
    which has not absorbed the content
    in the psychological way in which the book is written.
    The book speaks for itself and those who have not understood the message have probably not guessed: ”I too can fall victim”

  4. Sol skriver:

    Do not know where to start or how to express my deepest respect and sympathy for the great and important thing you have accomplished by writing the book The Destroyer.
    I have my own experience of having lived with one, as it turned out psychopath. An extremely painful and for me completely devastating experience that has changed me fundamentally.
    That's why I understand in the bare skin how frustrating and striking the insightless reviews of the book must be.
    But I think unfortunately it is almost impossible to fully understand what it means to have been exposed to a psychopath, if you have not experienced it yourself.
    I believe in sharing his story. No matter how bad I feel, I refuse to bear his guilt and shame. This can happen to anyone who acts as a fellow human being is expected to do.
    I feel great sorrow and empathy for those affected, but also an anger over that they, vi , so seldom gets the redress we so desperately need.
    More stories need to be told as testimonies to warn.
    The documentary “Anders, me and his 23 women ”is another important and striking, men, as I experience the misunderstood testimony of a brave woman.
    THANK YOU again for your courage.
    Sol

  5. Sabine Schulz Svensson skriver:

    I feel an incredible sadness that there are people who destroy another person with courage. Hooray for you and your strength and for telling.
    Sincerely
    Sabine

  6. Ulla Bylund skriver:

    Thank you thank you thank you for the book. Reads and thinks. What an insight into the human interior, psyche.

  7. Bibbi Larsliden skriver:

    Hi dear. Saw your feature where they interviewed you on TV about your story and put me in line at the bible to read your book that I had to wait for months but now read on 4 days day and night. I've been crying with you. I came across a man like you. Recognize me in everything you do. I got married and bought a house with him disaster!!!! ??
    If you ever want to be seen for a coffee or lunch, get in touch., ??thinking of you and hoping your life is ok now. Hug Bibbi

  8. Bibbi skriver:

    Dear you. Saw your feature where they interviewed you on TV about your story and put me in line at the bible to read your book that I had to wait for months but now read on 4 days day and night. I've been crying with you. I came across a man like you. Recognize me in everything you do. I got married and bought a house with him disaster!!!! ??
    If you ever want to be seen for a coffee or lunch, get in touch., ??thinking of you and hoping your life is ok now. Hug Bibbi

  9. karin fägerlind skriver:

    I'm reading the book now! And of course I make the same mistake as the reviewers and think ”HOW can she do si? WHY does she not do so? HOW can she believe this?”. But that's exactly why I read, to gain insight into how this type of crime occurs. To gain an understanding of how an intelligent, capable, independent person can be broken down. If you just stop at the questions, you do not want to understand. That this is how it is, it affected you, it affects many.
    Thank you very much for your story!

  10. Lena Lindeberg skriver:

    Hej Christina,
    An incredibly strong depiction of your hell. Was so touched, hard to stop reading. Even though I did not suffer quite as badly financially, I recognize the "game" you describe. Even though I had an idea early on, I did not listen to my inner warnings. For twenty years I was tossed between hope and despair, until I only one day in my heart understood…started reading about narcissists and changed my way of communicating to end the "game".. Today he's out of my life, never want to see him again..I understand exactly what fox scissors he put you in when he used his son..believably strong of you to get out and write this book. There are so many points of contact I recognize myself in, suicide threats, the confusion that led me to eventually write a diary about small details like who cooked, the inability to take responsibility for what is said..sometimes I thought I was going crazy so I wrote a diary, to be able to think clearly. The grandiose, martyrdom was also there. He came into my life during a difficult period, but everything I entrusted to him he turned against me..
    So grateful that you shared dig️

  11. Thank you for sharing. Ja, there is a need to talk openly and more about this. There are endless victims for these people with psychopathic traits. Luckily you wrote a diary and started to understand and managed to get him out of your life. Warmest regards and thanks! <3

  12. TAck, you give me a good perspective on the whole thing. This with the questions… tack. It is clear that you think so, I myself would not understand at all how this kind of thing happens if I had not been part of it. But of course I wish I had managed to convey in some single way how it can go… Thank you for your words that cheered me up! Warmest regards! Christina

  13. So kind of you to which invite me for coffee! My life is ok now, I'm relieved to have written the book, however, it has been extremely demanding and turbulent to publish it, and I was already so tired of having written it and lived it…! But I'm glad now that the book is useful, that people absorb it, that it can even help people, which was my only purpose and hope with the book. I have a hard time financially, of course, and it consumes me, but I am happy to avoid working on the book that was like a block to me and stopped everything else, so I could hardly breathe. The response I have received from readers is fantastic, gripping and I am grateful for it but feel great sadness over how people with a good heart can get so terribly bad, so sad and miserable with human capacity for evil. Warmest thanks for your words! Christina

  14. Tack! Tack , those words make me sincerely happy and proud, for I have really turned and twisted and I understood a lot and observed a lot while it was happening … but it did'nt help! In any case, I hope that the book will be able to convey something that can be transformed into knowledge among readers ! Warmest thanks , Christina

  15. Tack, yes it's a big big sadness. Thank you for attributing strength to me. Maybe it's true, that I am strong who could write it, but otherwise everything would have been in vain. Now maybe it can do good! Warm thanks , Christina

  16. Warmest thanks for your insightful words. You are probably right. It is impossible for outsiders to understand… what happens in one's brain,..the exhaustion , the flurry of confusion, wear and tear, the disorientation and how they make one stop trusting their own conclusions, its logic, how to lose touch with everything you previously knew and knew.
    You are also right that that documentary was probably misunderstood. One thing I have understood and that is that it is extremely difficult for the common man to accept that there is evil in this form. This is not in line with the upbringing of our culture. Then it is easier to say that the victim, which is their prey, are simply stupid. You can stand it, it is something you can feel that you yourself really are not at all and therefore you yourself are on safe ground. Then the victims are sacrificed again and at the same time it gives a lot of leeway for this kind of evil that everyone thinks they would recognize if they met, because you have to be stupid to fall for it. Intricate. Warmest regards / Christina

  17. Thank you very much for this.
    Nej, I will not have to explain and defend myself. You're absolutely right.
    But I could not help it,I was upset about the critics' sloppy way of reading it and it's weird because I've received an average of three emails a day for three months from people of all kinds and ages and genders who have read and understood! In addition, it was the case that many others who had suffered in the same way were extremely hurt by headlines and a bit condemning and scornful tones in some reviews. Except that it was a book that would be criticized, not a human being. But yes, you are absolutely right in that. I would not need it, everything is in the book! Warm thanks! Christina

  18. Thank you very much for your clear words. I'll remember that sentence. All that is required is the compassion that the psychopath does not have. Perfectly worded, clear and concise! Thank you very much for your words. Christina

  19. That Stenmark quote is great! I've also been thinking about it now since you wrote it to me and it's so GOOD. Nej, the critics sim wrote can certainly never have heard of the normalization process and really they should have read a bit about psychopathy. If they had reviewed a book about Hildegard af Bingen, they might have done some research to have something to rely on., but now everything became personal small outbursts. I find it very interesting. Tack, it actually feels very nice to hear that I have been strong who crawls out of it and has been able to write a book. I have to thank myself, inser jag, of all emails I have received. Thank myself for having the strength! And thank you all for emails and repsons and many wise words I have received. Warmest thanks to you / christina

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