Advice for the vulnerable

After the articles about the destroyer and the book came out, I have received emails every day from people I do not know. Mostly men, but also women, who have been or are currently exposed to a person with psychopathic traits.

I also receive emails from brothers, systrar, barn, parents and friends of someone who seems to be vulnerable. Many ask for advice.

Before I forget, I want to imply that I also receive emails from people who are not at all vulnerable and have not been near it, but who still thank me for thinking they understand more of this phenomenon after reading the book- and that's very good.

But when it comes to advice… many say that it has now gained energy to report, but how great is the chance that prosecution can be brought? I do not know because I am not a lawyer, but when I reported 2014 in any case, the police were not at all interested in the sections from my diary that dealt with his mental degradation of me, even though that was the precondition for him to be able to take any power over my decisions at all. Under normal circumstances, I had never in my life lent any money, it was all a result of me being in shock after my dad's death, and that the destroyer made sure that I did not have peace to ever recover, inte en enda stund. He lived with me, because he was homeless with his child ( though it then turned out that he rented an apartment for the entire time he was ” homeless ” and could not leave )- and I work at home so he was in the middle of my workplace too and had every chance to process me and wear me down. Nå, this was not the police's interest in, nor that he resorted to milder physical violence from time to time- even though it was the method of seizing power.

So what was prosecuted? Only the transfer of money was prosecuted. And because I could prove he had misled me – thanks to my diary entries where I wrote what I thought it was all about. And because the financial police's analyzes clearly showed that he had not done a single bit of what he made me believe, with the money.

But if I had not had my notes, I would not remember what he had said, because he said so much and because he ruined my thinking ability and was about to obliterate me.

So my not particularly thrilling advice is that the person who is exposed should write a diary , or write down simple memoirs. And keep these in a safe place. And that if money is transferred always write what you think it is about, what the circumstances are around why one makes these transfers. Otherwise, you can record things if you dare and record conversations in secret if you dare. All this is dangerous because it indicates that you distrust the person in question, but if you can do it, of course it is very good.

When you have to report, you have to get help from someone else, tror jag. Someone who is not completely exhausted and confused and has almost lost his brain, someone who can help one to bone out and be objective. The notification must contain as many facts as possible. If you have mail, sms, receipts for transfers and the like. Everything ” fact ” as one has come to life are surely lies that suddenly seem completely improbable, but what you have been preoccupied with and believed you should write down. You do not need a lawyer to write a report, you can do it yourself and then you simply go to the police with it and hope to be questioned. If the police decide that there is sufficient evidence for the person to be convicted, a prosecutor is involved. Then maybe it will be prosecuted.

When you are in court, you do not need to see the person in question, but you can be in separate rooms. And you have to prepare properly for this occasion, for the only thing the court judges by is what is said there and then. It does not judge on the basis of interrogations or preliminary investigations, nothing is implied. You have to make clear what is important to get across and then make sure to get it said, there and then – it's the chance you have. It is unfair, because the situation can be scary, but one can be sure that the accused is articulate and has explanations for just about everything. Therefore, you must be prepared and preferably have practiced if you are not used to speaking in front of people who listen without touching a mine.

If damages are awarded, you will never get it. The destroyer was sentenced to pay back everything with interest, but I will never see the smoke of it, because he has no assets, which is probably the most common when it comes to criminals. Then you simply have to try to cope, it's up to everyone, society abandons victims of this type of crime and one is thrown out on the other side. You can contact the bailiff yourself who will make foreclosures on the accused, but for the most part there is nothing to pick up.

When you are in court, you should bring as large a support team as you can. You should not be there alone. You simply should not keep quiet. You should tell all your friends what you have been through and they should accompany you to court and show ; ” we know! ” You should NOT keep quiet and now that the book The Destroyer exists and there has been a lot of attention around it, it is certainly easier to TALK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED and NOT BE SILENT.

You need help in the form of therapy calls, you have to reckon with that. But as I said, you should not keep quiet in front of your friends and family. You have no reason to be ashamed, tvärtom, alone, one has been struck by something that is not recognizable or predictable or manageable. You have to talk about it, everyone is probably wondering! You get the best healing from knowing others and you can talk about it, twist and turn it and marvel at how this kind of thing happens and how creepy it is. The only thing that people of this kind can not handle are true deep relationships. Real relationships. There is power to be gained. if you have lost your relationships while you were exposed, you must try to reach out to them again, you probably get them back when they start to guess what you have been exposed to. If they do not understand, they get to read The Destroyer so maybe they have a little better idea what systematic abrasion of the psyche means, and how lonely the prey is in that battle.

One thing that is decisive for the victim is that the environment DOES NOT JUDGE. You must NOT say ” What did I say? ” or unnecessary things like ”I felt that he / she was weird from the beginning!” for WHAT does it matter when everything is late? And probably the victim felt it too, but these people are extremely skilled at manipulation.

You must ABSOLUTELY NOT say ” But how fucking stupid are you?”… or yes, you may be able to say that, but you must immediately take it back or at the same time say it with emphasis” I want to do everything to help you!”. One must NOT judge the one who begins to turn to one, for it may be sending the straight path to suicide. You who have not been through something like this have no idea how fragile it is and how incredibly hard you have had to fight to even dare to think the thought of asking for help. You just have to say ” I WANT TO HELP YOU!” Everything looks strange and incomprehensible on the surface, first of all, so one understands that such a reaction ” but what the hell, how stupid are you?” is the first in the environment, but it is dangerous. The effect of several months of wear and tear, latent or open threats, Confusion is a concrete situation that seems completely crazy, but the way there… the way there…. it takes time to unravel and you have to have respect for it. The victim has been through hell – a hell – and when it is discovered, that person is probably in a panic and still completely indoctrinated by what he was fed with intensely by his destroyer – and may be willing to run back – or out to die. The best is if you can move the vulnerable / exposed far away from the perpetrator as soon as possible. You can not write a report or start telling if you are afraid that the person will show up at any time.

One may wonder whether it is worthwhile to report if the chances of prosecution are small, but you must always report. Puzzle pieces can fall into place by many registering.

Then the long road back begins.

Everyone wants it to go fast. But it does not go fast. You have to take small small steps and you have to do most things yourself, but then it is important to have told EVERYONE so that EVERYONE knows. Then you can do it! And one day that time will be a thing of the past.