A thousand votes about THE DESTRUCTOR

Now my book The Destroyer has been out for three and a half months. It did not disappear, poff, as if it had never existed, as with most books. That was my fear. In that case, all had laborious work – in addition to the years of destruction – been in vain. The purpose of the book was to reach others with the story, because what happened is part of the human experience. But we do not know much about the kind of human evil that the story represents, despite the fact that it goes on and on over and over again, hela tiden. The explanation is simple; victims – like myself – become so devastated from within that they cannot even explain to themselves how it happened.

A thousand voices have heard from me. In fact, more. I've read everything, listened to everything. It is upsetting and turbulent in many ways. I have experienced a lot of grief. We all cry in the moments we recognize ourselves, feel that someone is grasping, really into the marrow takes.

But it is actually also exhausting to get as many loving words as I have received in the wake of the book – from my readers. It's exhausting because I understand in their words how bad I've been. And it is turbulent to receive the wishes of strangers for prosperity, so tenderly and anxiously conveyed. They reach me straight into the heart. Many times tears have flowed down my cheeks as I read. Tack.

Think about what we humans are worth to each other. Compassion. Who under it can do!

I have in addition to that I have been enriched with so much compassion and affection, got to take part in a very large number of stories about other people's experiences. Tänk, if all around you knew how strong you have been. If they understood that you are heroines and heroes who stubbornly continue to live and find light and power and joy, though someone has hurt you so much, insidiously and purposefully broke some of the most important pillars of human existence, in the self which is a part of everything. Anyone who has contacted me with experiences of psychopathic abuse, wish we talked openly about this. It's good that it's starting to happen now. No one thinks that you will experience it yourself. Only those who have a little more knowledge suspect that it is actually possible that I too, who is on solid ground and knows who I am, bit by bit without me initially understanding what is happening, can be entangled and lose all the important things in my life. If we talk openly about it, there are more equipped, and may not try to be strong and cope with it on their own – som jag – while becoming increasingly exhausted and seduced. Many who have heard from me have been through much worse things than I have, too often, very often it is about a woman / man that you have been in love with, älskat. That was not the case for me – if it had been, I would not have had the strength to write the book.

The letters and comments continue to drip in with undiminished force. Maybe half of them are from people with experience of psychopathic violence but the rest are readers without experience. I must say that I am really glad that they also hear from me. It can not help that I am extremely happy and feel proud – som författare – that they describe that they have not been able to stop reading! They have read well into the wee hours, even though they had only intended to read one chapter, but another chapter will be another and soon it will be morning. They have told me that they forgot to eat, barely had time to go and pee, that their relatives have wondered what is going on because they absolutely do not want to be disturbed – just read or listen further! A woman discovered that she was standing in the shower with her headphones on – she was so inside the book that she forgot to take them off and when she discovered it she still could not stop listening but risked them!

It was very difficult to figure out what form I would tell it all in. I could have done it more analytically and alternated the past with the present to ensure that everyone understands that I have understood more than it seems! But I did not want to do that. It had become boring and I had not been able to convey the fear you feel when you are exposed and how life and the world shrink. This horrific creeping anxiety, and growing uncertainty about everything, not least one's own logic and perception. It is important to understand how the degradation process is experienced, how disoriented one becomes, how difficult it is to think clearly, and stick to it. Not least if you are also afraid in the vicinity of the natural person. When you have not experienced anything like this, and fortunately most of us have not been, it seems so strange that you do not just go your own way, not just roaring! It was terribly difficult to describe it all and I have not really succeeded in describing how all these healthy boundaries and reactions are blurred.. I understand that I should have put more pressure on the fact that I was never allowed to sleep. Not a single night did I sleep a whole night from the time he moved ( tillfälligt ) in. And apparently it is very common, a well-proven method of pushing a person into something they had never accepted under normal circumstances. I chose to write it all chronologically, as it unfolded and make me as ignorant as you are when you have no idea you are a tool in someone else's boundless completely ruthless plane. The reader already knows the title and can simply witness how the victim falls into trap after trap. Now I'm happy, Yes it's me, that I have managed to describe it so that you have been drawn into it and started biting your nails. All this material, everything I knew and everything I had to choose from and opt out or include…. it was like an insurmountable mountain and it made me so frustrated because I knew I had to write the book – but how? Ja, I get really happy when I hear that readers have been engrossed in this tongue, thick book. It was certainly part of the devilish challenge and almost every day I wondered why all the way to hell I tormented myself with this but then I reminded myself that the material is quite unique – and that it was probably a meaning that he would happen to me! I did not just stop him, his deeds can benefit others in book form. Mwuahahaa!

Now I even hear that you read it twice! And many have told me that they wish all young people read it, as part of the information tax that one should receive along the way, about all the dimensions of human life. I wish so too, because the more you bring with you, the easier you can navigate and not least also help others if you are more familiar with the phenomenon.

A number of decades ago, there was no talk of such things as sexual abuse, våldtäkt, pedophilia. The more you know about it, the better equipped you are and the less the victims are disgraced due to the lack of knowledge of the common man, the better the victims can heal and recapture their lives.

I have seen in the letters I have received that many, both women and men, are so deeply wounded by what has happened to them that decades later they are still suffering from nightmares, of panic disorder, of fear, of feelings of inferiority, of self-loathing, for fear of proximity, of suicidal thoughts, of depression, of apathy, of insulation and more. Usual, starka, honest people who have believed in another human being, wanted the other well, and only practiced what made it possible for humanity to evolve at all: empathy, love, benevolence, trust, endurance, the ability to put oneself last to temporarily carry / help / heal another human being.

While the perpetrators swing on and find new victims and for the most part there is not even anything to prosecute them for.

I'm lucky because I can feel happy about what I've done. Pride. And deep satisfaction that so many others have been able to reflect in the story, and that I have spread some understanding, which benefits everyone ( except the perpetrators) Thank you all who communicate with me. And thank you for the loving thoughts I have received. It really touches me deeply and makes my step easy.