Why do people not to be bitter, victims and martyrs Islands?

This is the ” offer” I have always found interesting. There is a strong taboo and shame about being ” offer”.  ”Were no casualties!” calls to each other with derogatory derisive tone. As if it were giving up, or perhaps as if it were a way to make oneself remarkable, or as a way of bothering.

It is the same taboo and shame around ” offer ” as it is around ” bitterness ”.

It must not exist. If someone is bitter or victim, it colors the perception of the whole character. Why?

Quite often in human life, it is inevitable that people are ”offer” for other people's actions. And quite often in human life, it seems perfectly logical and almost healthy for people to become ” bittra” over what has happened to them. But they must not be victims and they must not be bitter. People who are victims and who are bitter must get rid of it, keep it a secret from the world – it would be awful if it were revealed – then you will be rejected, or at least regrettably condescending. You are not met with understanding. I do not know how many times I have heard people tell very mean things that they have been subjected to and that should definitely make any healthy person bitter, and so they have apologized ” I'm not bitter though…” eller ”I'm not going to be bitter…” eller ” usch how bitter it sounds!”

I always say but BE bitter! It IS bitter. What's so dangerous about it??

It's not a trait, it is not cemented, livet är föränderligt. Some things you are happy for, some things you are bitter about! Why can't you call things by their proper names? Why should some, deeply human and general emotions, forced to be denied, disgraced and swept away?

Same with being ” offer”.

But if you can not call things by its proper name and give these feelings justification, you can also not talk about what has caused the condition. If there are no victims, there is no guilt either. And if we are so afraid to admit that there are both victims and guilt, we give room for more abuse, of whatever kind it may be. Except that whoever is the victim or is bitter never gets the room to ventilate it, can never reflect it in its surroundings because it is so extremely unattractive and stigmatizing as if it were the bearer of the plague itself.

I thought about it already when I was very young and my mother's needs and distress were dismissed as a martyr. No one saw how she struggled to take care of and keep the family together and protect the children from a father who was given a lot of room for his bad mood – not at all something unique, but exactly the same thing that happens in preschool and school. The boys are given room to maneuver for their bad mood, the girls dampen for the sake of the whole. This is a long discussion that I now only superficially touch on, but I remember when I was a teenager I started to realize what an unfair trap we put my mother in when we beat her up with her being martyr. Thanks damn for that. She got no credit for everything she did, day out day in. She had the RIGHT to be martyred. But instead of listening, it was eliminated with this shameful epithet. So unfair and treacherous! How to take a mother for granted, and sucks out her power and love and perseverance.

Based on these thoughts about unfairly affixed stamps of martyrdom, I began to think about the concepts ” offer ” och ” bitter”, long before I myself became both a victim and a bitter one!

It's not really about interpretation? Who decides how we interpret things, or perhaps rather vad decides it?  An old outdated patriarchy, I would say. Now it is not just women who are martyred, victims and bitter. But an enormous amount in how the male role is dictated creates this imbalance between the sexes that leads to women BECOMING victims, bitter and martyrdom. Then they should have shit for it TOO.

Men som sagt, even men are victims, martyred and bitter and has reason to be so. It is, of course, very unmanly, so they are much despised.

Äh, I get so tired of this disgrace of human experience, which are the result of human destructive or unjust acts. I get so tired that so much in our minds makes us automatically dismiss some completely correct and healthy expressions of grief, besvikelse, anger and resentment and that with our nasty snorting we shackle those who are already feeling bad to the pole of shame and plague. In fact, one must dare to call things by their proper names in order to discuss how people transcend other people's boundaries. What is it that is so charged with it?

Actually, I had not intended to write about this at all, but about the fact that as a victim you do not always behave as expected. Because there is an idea of ​​how victims behave, and when that idea is not fulfilled, one mistrusts the victim's reactions, which has been brought up in connection with Weinstein.

This is something I myself have experienced in connection with the tenfold crime that I have been exposed to. And as I write about in the book ”Ödeläggaren” coming in August.

I do not agree with these simple interpretations of different concepts, helt enkelt, and has never been. I think you should think a little longer. And for people who are bitter to move on in their lives and gain access to healthy spring water again from their own internal sources, they must accept that they are bitter and that there are reasons or that they at least feel that there are reasons and it must be acknowledged by others. Not to allow oneself or one's close to it, is counterproductive, cruel and quite silly. In fact, it is unintelligent!

Because the denial of ” bitterness ” och ” offer ” och ”martyrdom” prevents all analysis and discussion of evil, border crossings and abuses – also about privacy, human dignity and what one can ask for and expect from basic respect and so on.

Then, of course, there are people who abuse these positions to gain various strange benefits, or that actually becomes very draining for others because they nag about the bitter things in their lives – BUT if the bitter things in their lives were acknowledged, if you listened to them, if the important close people listened instead of shackling them at the stake ” bitterness” had their painful bitterness perhaps dissolved. In fact, much is so simple in life. Much is stuck in human souls and digs itself down and deforms simply because what we are breaking apart and trying to express is not recognized by our surroundings. And if you are AFRAID of appearing bitter, you are silent!

My dad nagged a lot about certain things he had experienced as extremely unfair and that made him bitter. As soon as he approached those subjects, everyone ran in different directions or just closed their faces and tried to stand out until you could run away. But I think, that if anyone had listened along the way, long before, probably decades earlier, the bitterness had calmed down and settled down, even if it remained as a tag, but it had not shown its little ugly face over and over again as soon as a familiar tone made it possible.

I think so. Call things by their proper names. That's the best way to move on.

Actually, I probably should, especially as a writer, clean my blogs but I do not. For all that polishing, I have to do otherwise. Here is my messy little text wardrobe. 🙂