Integrity

Is good. It is good that we have respect for each other's integrity. But it is difficult to know where the line goes; how far can one go in asking questions about another person's life. I think especially of if you fear that something is not really good in the other person's life.

This is a difficult balancing act. It is difficult because you are afraid of losing the other person's trust, in case you question too much. Or to simply hurt the other. To maybe even get rid of the relationship if you ask something too uncomfortable.

And how far are we ourselves prepared to let someone else show their concern and care for us, and endure uncomfortable questions? We probably do not perceive them as care, but get provoked, closes us, waves away and does everything to avoid the subject that can create a bad mood, maybe a knot on the thread. Although the other only acted out of consideration, oro, love.

The responsibility goes in two directions. How far one is prepared to endure the possible questions and care of others – and how far we dare to go in knocking on someone else's privacy shield because we worry.

Above all, it is difficult to know where the line of someone's integrity lies, when it comes to even adult children. All parents are afraid that their children will turn their backs. Then maybe you choose to instead try to think away what you are worried about, signs you think you see, fears that the child himself may not yet have perceived, but as one might assume will come true, when everything may have gone get far. Even though one's parental responsibility never ends. But especially when it comes to adult children, is the easiest to think ”But he / she is an adult. I have no right to have opinions.”

I understand that it must be a little hell with people who have to get involved in everything and have opinions about everything. You have the right to live your life in your own way! But still, I wish people got involved a little more in each other's lives. Behind ”integrity” any amount of devilry can spread. And then you stand there ; ”I felt it in me!” och ” Actually, I saw it, but I was not sure, I did not want to hurt him / her , I was afraid he / she would turn my back on me and never want to see me again, so therefore I never said anything…” It is so common that we react that way! At the same time, something may still be gnawing at us, the idea that we should still try to address what we are worried about, or think we see.

It's so hard to know. But I still wish everyone, every, took courage and talked to the person we think might be hurting, or as we fear will go bad soon, in a relationship, due to a decision, at a workplace, whatever it is…. We should not be so afraid of being rejected.

You can always say ” I may be wrong, but I'm afraid this and that is happening to you and you do not have to defend yourself or explain anything to me, but I want you to know that I am here and will be here and you should not be afraid to turn to me if that day comes…”

It is better than being silent and pretending that you have perceived something wrong or that you are probably worrying unnecessarily or simply settling down to have ”respect for the integrity of the other”. They get order, stated on a single occasion, can make such a big difference – perhaps crucial – for the other person.

It does not have to be about such serious and brutal things as psychopaths, eller domestic violence, alcoholism or the like, it can be a prestigious assignment, about keeping working to death , about prioritizing errors, or about taking too much responsibility.

It is after all with the conversation that we move on. And get things in place, or get things rolling, or realize – in consultation with someone else – something we have not really had time to see. The conversations must also contain what feels uncomfortable and challenging.

Sometimes I think we shun the discomfort too much. Everything should just be nice and smooth all the time. And some have stopped talking to each other at all – about the most important things. They write ” jag älskar dig!” on Facebook or text each other when they have come into conflict and do not talk face to face, which makes one so much more vulnerable… and human and true.

We need to nurture conversations with each other. So that there is margin to say… of, I'm wondering if this is really good with your relationship…. or whatever it may be about. Following each other is not following each other's beautiful images on social media. Following each other is something much closer, braver and more sensitive. And it provides all the power a human being needs.