I myself left the church on my eighteenth birthday, but the message of love I have always followed, because I think it's a basic attitude that people should have among themselves.
This attitude was not good for me when the destroyer bothered into my life, via All Saints Church, Katarina parish, Stockholm. After suffering from how vulnerable he and his six-year-old children were – after many hours of listening to his despair – I opened my home to them over the summer. You who have read the book know where it led. Most people know this without having read the book today, it seems.
It was empathy, responsibility for the other, in this case a father and a child – the basic responsibility for the other that I believe we all have for each other, who spoke in me. It is called compassion, a necessary building block in all functioning societies. But if he had been a person I had met in another context, compassion would not have been enough. I trusted him because he was affiliated with the Church of All Saints, which is part of Katarina parish. The fact that he since five years back, when I met him, was actively tied to it was absolutely crucial. He had stood at the altar wearing a cloak and held the chalice at the popular masses held by the popular pastor Olle Carlsson, several times. He was a regular member of the Church, with his choir and he held many concerts. He also moved with predilection in the church café where all sorts of people gathered, where he was respected and appreciated, a man who spread joy, wisdom and comfort. I myself have seen Olle Carlsson punch him in the back, as if they were best friends, and heard the pastor throw appreciative words at him. I had this on my retina when I finally decided to let him and the baby live in my empty apartment over the summer, the different episodes when I had seen Olle Carlsson and Sam in mutual throbbing. Sam certainly seemed to be an esteemed person at the church and he had free access to all the rooms as if he belonged entirely there. The second time I met him, he invited me to one of the Church's meeting rooms, in front of several priests, because he moved in the church as if he belonged there. Det gjorde han också. He was invited to Christmas dinners, gatherings and meetings.
But I happen to know that the then man in charge, Pastor Olle Carlsson, understood that Sam was not reliable. I happen to know that he called a person in Sam's choir- long before I joined the choir – because he wondered about the person in question ” too bad of Sam ” because he suspected Sam was borderline. Because the person in question was very involved in helping Sam who he / she felt sorry for – which was Sam's method – the person denied that she / he too ill.
But the suspicion that Sam was borderline and possibly exposed his choir members and others to something bad may not have come from nowhere. Nevertheless, Pastor Olle Carlsson had Sam held. He continued his activities at the church for many more years. When I joined the choir, he had been in the choir for five years and for five years after that he continued his activities in the church.
Everyone involved knows what happened to me. And many readers and others take it for granted that the Church of Sweden or the parish has contacted me, to regret what has happened. After all, it was the Swedish church that gave the destroyer Sam ”credibility” a word that Sam himself loved. According to a person close to the then pastor Carlsson, he knew that Sam had to be kept short and did so; ”kept him short”. What I know about the pastor's responsibility is to protect his congregation. But he let Sam continue his activity and left him standing at the altar, as a Church representative wearing a robe, and hold in the lime- The blood of Jesus. With insight into Sam's limitlessness, it is not to keep him short. It is not to protect the church. But Sam gave some cool air to the priests, to the church itself and to the masses. Maybe that gave the pastor a couple of pluses on the edge, superficially, something that benefited him. Vem vet?
Jag, like most others, thought that some representative from the Church of Sweden or at least Katarina Parish would contact me, maybe even ask how they could help me. Not a sound. Not a sound from anyone at all. One of Sam's choir members is now married to Olle Carlsson and knows everything because I told about everything already when I had registered and told that I would write the book – for the sake of other people. What Sam had done upset her so much that she felt very bad. Då. Then came the book. But no representative from the church has heard from him. Mr Carlsson is no longer active there but is, as far as I know, still a real person. He was in charge then, but even if it is now others who have it, it is about representing the congregation, and the Church of Sweden. Silence. It surprises most people, but no longer me. Such is the great cowardice. It does not benefit the Church of Sweden, kan vi enas om, that its representatives are flat and spineless.
I was advised by friends to contact Katarina parish to ask for financial assistance.
In October, I wrote the following:
My name is C. H. I am a writer and playwright and have written the book The Destroyer Beginning in All Saints Church where I met the man who ruined my life through mental and physical violence, ruined me and made me homeless- known as Sam Paris. He had been running the church for ten years. Now I want to seek assistance from your funds, to manage the rent a few months ahead and to be able to buy Christmas presents. How should I proceed?? C. H
After two days, an answer came:
Hello and thanks for your mail! You are welcome to apply for funding if you live and are registered in Katarina Församling. GOD'S PEACE!
from a deaconess official.
This deaconess official had then asked a mutual acquaintance if she knew me, because we had both been in Sam's choir. And our mutual acquaintance knew about this brief exchange of letters and thought that the Church's response to my letter was shitty. The deaconess had wondered how else she would have answered? Our common acquaintance pointed out ”But she no longer lives in Katarina parish because of his crime against her and you can not help her because she does not live in parish – because of his deed?” The deaconess shrugged and left. I understand that it is not an individual deaconess official who should be responsible for the flatness of the church, but my letter to the congregation opened, a beginning of a communication if they had been receptive to it. They obviously are not. They feel no responsibility.
My acquaintance said something like ;” And the only thing you have done is to have followed the message of love. But this is how Katarina parish and the Church of Sweden practice the message of love!”
Ja, I just continue to marvel at how common hypocrisy is also among people who give other people blessings and communions and comfort , collects collections for charitable purposes, bury their dead and baptize their children and marry them in love. Priests should have an ongoing critical self-cleansing and reflection – not as a superficial occupation to write mediocre daily verses to heel for the public, while sitting and cuddling in their large parsonages and going abroad on spiritual retreats for tax money, but to preserve its dignity, carry their cold and be role models in courage, heder, responsibility and in being able to practice the message of love, for example.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Hi
I read your book The Destroyer and was completely taken. Not restored in several days. I really wonder how you coped. And that you could keep it so secret. I really hope everything works out for you, you seem to have a strong network and loved by many.!
But how could he be allowed in the church??
Great written about how it goes in the church. Hypocrisy!
Ja, that's the big question. How could he be allowed to have his business there when the then pastor was even aware that he was cross-border. He probably brought to the congregation a splendor that was valued higher than the responsibility of other people.
Not Olle Carlsson's fault. He still did the right thing by sounding the gut feeling without concrete evidence. Not the church's fault either. Everyone can be duped.
Sam Paris bears the blame alone. You also had early suspicions that you did not act on and which as a result affected both yourself and others.
I read your book. Gets so incredibly affected. Can not stop thinking about how incredibly cruel and the proposal he slowly breaks down you. I feel physically ill when I read. Have never been exposed to anything like this, but has been seriously ill in exhaustion. And your description of how you feel, how to lose orientation, is the best description I read about how a really exhausted brain works. It is the most terrifying thing you can experience as a human being, tror jag. Feels incredibly much with you and hopes that everything will work out for you.
ps. I am also completely taken by how strong and vibrant you are, after all he does disgusting things to you.
Hej Christina,
I just listened to your book! Jisses! Could not tear myself away and have listened all day and evening to the annoyance of the rest of the family. The best (if one can write so given the subject) I read! So captivating and well written! I shouted out on several occasions -No, gör det inte! so the whole family looked at me and wondered what I meant. What an awful long time you had to suffer for that psychopath! sad but so brave and brave of you to share your experiences. What a psychopath!!! I'm mute. Just want to say that I have already shared the book to all my friends and just say READ! and just want to say HUG and thank you for standing up and winning! so wonderful that you got up and wish all the happiness in life you have for you! (and would like to add that Glappet is one of my favorite series) CHEERS YOU! with the desire that the book brings in the large sum you lost!
Thank you for your book The Destroyer, Christina! It is both exciting, painful and provocative.
It amazes me that the deaconess treats you so coldly – the church has obviously given credibility to the deceiver.
Your book will serve as a warning, because the phenomenon you describe (fraud by arousing compassion) probably is widespread, usually with women as victims.
I hope you are doing well, that you have progressed with your writing!
Just read your book and am so taken that I hardly know what to write!! Thank goodness this terrible man is out of your life. What an amazing woman you are, strong and brave who dared to tell!!
Good luck to you!
Hello and Thanks for your book
I was completely stunned to read here how you were treated and belittled when you wanted the support of All Saints Church
I have for a while followed Olle Carlsson's Kontempel on FB but now I do not think I want more hypocrisy
Kram
Hi!
I thought some pieces in your novel Denzel were absolutely wonderful. What I especially stuck to was something like when the female protagonist went alone to a New Year's celebration. It was so wonderfully embarrassing and tragicomic, we are many who recognize ourselves in the emotions. And then about hanging out with her ex-husband and his new partner. Very well written.
When's the next novel coming?, hope you write more.
Have just read the book. Also got answers about the church's actions which I wondered about. You have so much to give, have really appreciated Ebba and Didrik and Glappet, hope you have something new going on….Financial abuse needs to be highlighted.
Hi!
I join the crowd of breathless readers! What you happened to is really awful.
I came to think of you and your book after watching mission review program Mikael's Millions. The same arrangement that money is deposited in an account, and continues to be deployed year after year, so that you do not lose what you have already invested. The difference is that you did it out of compassion while those in the program were simply promised a significant return on invested money. Something then always happens, at the last second, new fees, difficulties, etc.. Lots of people have had their lives ruined.
See it if you have not already done so! And thank you for a reading experience and for your strength!
Hi!
I read your book The Destroyer yesterday. I could not put it away. You describe so that I understand how you were caught. Tack, tack, thanks for this gasping, awful but enlightening lesson. I now understand better how psychopaths work. You wrote very clearly that a psychopath knows what empathy is and can use it but is in total absence of feeling it. This has led me to better understand things that have happened in my own life. I wish you all the best in life and that the rest of your hike will be as good as possible. With kind regards Malin Alm
I just read your very detailed story about what happened to you and am very taken.
This is not the first time I have read similar stories and a friend was also deceived in a similar way.
What I wonder most about is how it went for Sam's son Nicholas who is also a victim in this sad story. I understand if you might want to keep him out, but I would like to know if he is well now and does not have to have contact with his father.
Sincerely
Ingela
Ja du borde verkligen själv ta dig en funderare på hur du tillät detta hända istället för att svartmåla och skylla på andra och bara se dig som offer.
Världen är farlig och man måste vara försiktig, särskilt när man som du redan i ett mycket tidigt skede kände att något var fel. Du var ju inte purung och helt grön.
Lycka till framöver och var försiktig.
Tack för din berättelse Christina! Jag är mitt i den, lyssnar till Cecilia Nilssons enastående inläsning. Och orkar bara med lite i taget, för man blir påverkad. Den känns i kroppen, som en tyngd. Känner igen mig en del efter att ha varit nära en person med narcissistisk personlighetsstörning. Och tänker att din demon också är i det där med allt sin manipulativa, all sin gas lighting och alla lögnerna och skådespelandet. Det är hemskt att din empati utnyttjades så grovt av denna demon. Det har tagit mig två och ett halvt år att hitta tillbaka till mig själv efter min närkontakt och den varade bara i knappt ett år och var inte alls så hemsk som din upplevelse, men jag känner att jag kan relatera. Jag kan tänka mig att du kanske inte kan återhämta dig helt efter det här, jag hoppas förstås att du gör det. Du behövs! Din berättelse behövs! Kram
Hi!
Jag har precis läst ut din bok och lider verkligen med dig och hoppas du har hämtat dig ytterligare sen boken tog slut!
Jag har jobbat som kyrkvaktmästare tidigare i flera olika församlingar, dock långt från stockholmsområdet och Katarina Församling. Men jag känner igen det där att man från församlingshåll bara hjälper sina egna medlemmar, när de är skrivna i församlingen det gäller. Jag vet inte om det är något som är formellt beslutet någonstans att det ska vara så, eller bara praxis som de flesta verkar följa.
Själv minns jag väl den gången jag fick tala om för en man i yngre medelåldern, som av tänderna att döma inte hade mycket pengar, men i övrigt uppträdde skötsamt, som bad om stöd, men som vi fick meddela nästa gång att han inte kunde få stöd eftersom han inte bodde i församlingen. Samtidigt så hade församlingen kostat på sig nya körkåpor för flera hundra tusen, trots att de gamla var fina och funktionsdugliga och inte det minsta trasiga, om än gamla… Där bestämde jag mig för att lämna församlingen när jag slutade min anställning, eftersom jag bodde i församlingen det gällde och inte ville stödja dom längre.
Hi,
är inte detta typiskt? Så långt sträcker sig godheten, den som de genom hela sin verksamhet påstår sig förmedla, kärleken, Guds kärlek, Jesu kärlek, medmänskligheten. Bra gjort av dig att markera genom att avsluta din anställning, i alla fall om du fick jobb på annan plats!