Life's all different fruits

It's a strange sight. People standing on the escalator in the subway. They stand in a row and go diagonally down or up through the earth. Everyone stares down at the palm of their hand. Often small wires go, they can have playful colors like pink or turquoise, to the ears of men. Sometimes they have white rectangles that hang out of the ears instead. Everyone seems to need their palm, as a sick person needs his drip. They are moving forward, sometimes stops all of a sudden, continues, as if they are unaware of their surroundings, as if something in the palm of your hand is trying to help them navigate and so it goes.

Before, you could flirt on the subway. Or other public places. But the subway was a good place to flirt. I have met several wonderful men in the subway or its immediate surroundings. But now no one sees anyone and flirting can rarely occur. Not only flirting can occur, also bonds of friendship can be forged, experiences are exchanged albeit rapidly between a couple of stations. Not often anymore.

I think about it when I look at person after person, of all kinds and ages, who stare down at their palms. I understand very well that you want to shield yourself after a day at work. For me, it is the opposite. My job shields me so when I come outside I watch. Sometimes someone notices that someone is not staring down at the palm of their hand but sitting with their head on the shaft and wide-open eyes and looking around. This odd behavior can create mistrust, sour looks, pending, cast.

But that was not the subway world I was going to write about. But about the mobile phone disease. It is suspicious to protest against the technology. Jag vet. Men ändå. But even I, so to speak, love my phone and can not do without it.

We have all gathered there. We carry around our most private treasures. Expensive dear messages. Loved pictures from our lives. With more. Ja, allt. It's terribly stressful to lose your phone. That they were called ” teddy ” when they came decades ago have proved to be more true than one could have imagined.

But as many believe, I also say that something has happened in our way of approaching us, in being human. People think they are present in a conversation even though they are staring down at their mobile. People think they are with their children even though they are staring down at their mobile. What are the consequences?? Nej, I'm not going to delve into that, for it carries too far, I'm getting too upset.

But we are not present with our loved ones when we stare down at our mobile, no matter how much we love each other.

What happens to the call, generally? How our dinners are affected, our moments of community when the cell phone is constantly disturbing everyone involved? We have got used to it now. Overlooks with it. Expect it. Thinking that ” she does not listen, she scrolls through her mobile, but I may well mess it up with her then or simply count what I want to say as unimportant… unimportant…. ja, unimportant….”

What are conversations between people? What is the meeting between people? Does anything else happen when we look at each other, hear the nuances of the voice, listens in for pauses. The quality of our conversations is affected by the habit of writing text messages or emails? The conversations become more informative, fast and superficial than rich of wonder, Soul, doubtfulness, questions, continuation ….? We do not all wonder what it is to be human, we do not all want to ask each other a little about it, and get some tips and perspectives and nuances to our own constantly (?) changed idea of ​​what it is to be human, live this life, like me with you right here right now. Eller? Is there really time to talk?, to listen? Is there time to let someone search for words, correct expression, the right shade, search in their interior for the right color, the tone so that the rest of us can understand, aha, do you mean so…? Is there time to see a shift in someone's eyes that suddenly explains everything much more than the words, the letters? Is there time for that?, calm down, when the brain is triggered by the fact that so much is happening all the time elsewhere , one elsewhere that is so close, so burning tickling close, in the pocket, in the purse, just in the palm of your hand!

I heard from a young woman that when her friends who are couples and living together feel bad, or stumbles upon a conflict, they take to the phone. They text each other. Behind a text message, it is easy to hide. His pain, their vulnerability. His vulnerable longing. His love, this love that does not make us independent at all, which does not make us independent at all, which does not at all make us indifferent and free, but who seeks, searching, looking for YOU. This most difficult of all. The vulnerability of love! And even worse….admit that you are hurt… that one is in need… that you are in pain!

The tremors of the voice are not visible in the letters, and when the eyes are suddenly flooded with near crying, there is nothing there.

So it has become. The fear of meeting… it is real and quite deep within most of us… we can finally escape from it. Even when we live together under one roof.

The conflict may be resolved. Everything is fine again. But it has not been seen to happen. Despair has not been seen in one's eyes, the comfort of the other, the clarity, djupet, the misunderstanding, the atonement. You get an emoji. Relief!

But still the hearts ache. Still, you look uncertainly. What is she doing with her phone now?? She chats with someone else who confirms her better than I do? She discusses our problem with someone outside who has ideas about me, about us, who wants her something, while we text each other about what hurts between us?

The fruits of life. All tastes, consistency, all different degrees of maturity and decay, all scents and colors and dreams. Wealth. Everything that hurts. Which feels wrong. Like chafing. Which flows away. That melts. That rises and grows and rapids. That blooms and shines. Who hesitates. As shy. SOm shadows. Which must be lured back, who need trust, an assurance, tid, eyes, eyes, eyes. And that is so dizzying, whirling, stronger than anything.

Of course it's horrible to live. Scary cliff in the block, in large and in small. Of course we do not want to pretend that because we are supposed to be cool, starka, självständiga, independent and sweep through life like a fancy commercial. But there is something about the moments – beyond all that with the words… there is something about voices, with eyes, with shifts in light and scents and rhythms, who grabs something, turns something in the heart, opens unexpected doors, lets in an unexpected light, traps obstacles and creates moments, moments that etch themselves for the rest of their lives, so fast, moment of union, understanding, shared existential sharpness – which can never be created via text message, which can never change anything in us, warm us deeply, lift us, without the courage to meet.

Without the courage to stay in reality, konkret, here, now with other people that you can not turn off whenever you want, ignore whenever you want, pretend to be dead or on charge when you do not have the strength, when one has lost the strength to be human… I think many of life's all wonderful unknown strange wonderful scary , both poisonous and healthy fruits, is completely lost.

That's not how I want to live. Should you sit in the retirement home one day and try to recreate the memory of how a text message felt?

No wonder people go for massages! So much of our inner self, extending to the skin, who must long.