Christina Herrströms blog

Hey all,

Electrodes on the chest. Electrodes on the chest / Electrodes on the chest. Electrodes on the chest. Electrodes on the chest, Electrodes on the chest, Electrodes on the chest” jag har inte tid, Electrodes on the chest”

Electrodes on the chest- Electrodes on the chest. Electrodes on the chest – the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security.

the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security, the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security. the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security. the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security.

the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security. the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security, the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security. the feeling of imminent doom has not really been able to ebb out and be passed on to the past precisely because of the money I do not have as a security – until he found some peace in me ( until he found some peace in me ) until he found some peace in me, until he found some peace in me. Dessutom , until he found some peace in me- until he found some peace in me. until he found some peace in me, until he found some peace in me – until he found some peace in me, until he found some peace in me. until he found some peace in me!

I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room, I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room, I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room,I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember when he managed to get an entire heart team to pull out because he seemed to have a heart attack in my living room. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment – I remember being in the ambulance at that moment – I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment. I remember being in the ambulance at that moment ” sanningarna ” I remember being in the ambulance at that moment, exhausting or threatening ways.

exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways – exhausting or threatening ways, exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways, exhausting or threatening ways, exhausting or threatening ways. ”exhausting or threatening ways!” exhausting or threatening ways. exhausting or threatening ways, exhausting or threatening ways.

What I did not know then, What I did not know then. What I did not know then, What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then, What I did not know then – What I did not know then. What I did not know then. What I did not know then? No one I had known until now in my life anyway.

No one I had known until now in my life anyway. No one I had known until now in my life anyway – No one I had known until now in my life anyway. No one I had known until now in my life anyway – No one I had known until now in my life anyway. No one I had known until now in my life anyway ” our home for our future”…? our home for our future, our home for our future? our home for our future, our home for our future. our home for our future. our home for our future. our home for our future.

our home for our future ( our home for our future) our home for our future, our home for our future. our home for our future ” our home for our future ” our home for our future , our home for our future / our home for our future. our home for our future. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament.

Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament: Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament, Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament ( Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament) Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament, Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament.

Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament.

Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament”Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament” Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament. Those who were his friends and lovers took large quick loans to help him out of the acute predicament ” Anna ”. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others – In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others – In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others, In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others ” In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others” – In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others, In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others – Så är det inte. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. In those scenes, it is very well portrayed how a psychopathic person treats others. That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way.

That's probably what he's doing now, by the way. That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way.

That's probably what he's doing now, by the way. That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way, That's probably what he's doing now, by the way. That's probably what he's doing now, by the way.

That's probably what he's doing now, by the way. That's probably what he's doing now, by the way.

The children play rosy and star-eyed on the winter slopes. Along the quiet streets are rows of snowmen, snow dogs, snow squirrels and snow lanterns. The adults are involved.

It's so fun to watch. The children and the parents, the joy in the eyes. And the warm lights in the windows. I'm so glad I ended up here after the devastation, where I am, where life is expressed in a completely different way than in the middle of the city, at Medborgarplatsen, where I lived.

It's not beautiful there, rather ugly. People do not look at each other, they have agitation in their eyes and seem to struggle with the minutes. That's not the case here. Here people nod kindly to each other, ler, small talk, stays here and there. The children are playing. What is life ? What's worth something – egentligen – in life?

Strange, but I would never have come here without the destruction. Something new and different came out of it. An invitation to the forest, fåglarna, the scents – to a quiet and friendly life. Maybe a little boring, but calm and friendly. And the excitement and the movement, the city's energy is less than half an hour away. It's amazing. I desperately tried to get out of here for several years. No longer.

You have to see things in perspective. And you still know nothing about how it could have been otherwise.

Tonight I could not sleep. Så är det ofta. But I never think about misery. I stopped doing that many years ago. What keeps me going and keeps me awake are fun things I want to do. Sometimes I have thought that it is creativity that is my savior, it is the one that allows me to still always find something exciting, something that makes body and soul happy. But it's not that simple. There are many examples of creative people who are unable to move on. The secret is another. I do not know all the secrets that help, but I'm pretty sure that a strong reason why people are able to get through all the different difficult challenges life presents us with, is the ability to be grateful.

It sounds almost a bit religious, but that's not at all what I mean. I have with me two mottos from my mother. ”Drop it!” och ” Count your blessings!” They are very useful. And in recent years, I have finally learned to practice ” DROP IT!” – också.

I ordered a sewing machine that was on a midday sale. It is lime green and very simple. I hated needlework at school, just because our teacher was so bad. The needle in the sewing machines always came off when I sewed. I could never learn to wood, because I did not dare to ask properly, because she towered over us who were bad at that with her long body and an expression of contempt and impatience in her face high up there. She did not like children. The other class had a kind craftswoman, who affirmed the children's own embroidery motifs. This aunt did not. And the gloves you had to knit became small and rock hard because I had so much hand sweat when I knitted. Everything we had to perform I had to smuggle home so that my mother could do it again. In high school, I dropped out of sewing, took the subway to the other side of town and softened up with my big brothers who lived in a collective and drank tea and listened to music.

Men nu! A sewing machine.

When the children were small, I became obsessed with sewing, of trying to understand how clothes really fit together. Then I lay awake at night thinking about how to actually sew sleeves to a garment. Easy for those who can. I created freely, pants, vests, skirts for the kids and even a bathrobe with a hood. Then the needles went off again. Hela tiden. And the mess could not be sorted out.

Now I have sat and sewn seams by hand, and felt like a painting from old times and it has been very sad, for at the same time the desire to create something new has arisen. There is so much you can do ! Sew on clothes, sew clothes from old curtains and tablecloths, se tehuvor, dishcloths, even COFFEE FILTER!

All night I cut different fabrics and tried to assemble into new things in my head.

Life is not enough! There is so much you want to do! So much heaven you want to invent in all simplicity, plus all the OTHER things that are not cozy chores AND then all the other things like going on adventures! Why do not have time?

Maybe because you stare down at the cell phone!?

I'm glad I grew up without the internet and cell phones. I KNOW deep into the marrow what it is like to be lost in something – something simple and opretto – only for oneself and not to show off to the world – I know what it's like to immerse yourself in something that catches one without being disturbed by any mobile, or social media that grabs attention and triggers even constant social curiosity.

Allt det, which is …. fundamentally I think. To feel good. To be grounded. To breathe well. To have time to ponder. To have time to be grateful and to see. To remember. To plan. To gather. To feel how much you love and live and can in all simplicity. To play.

Like all the children playing on the slopes, rose-cheeked and star-eyed, who with happy open faces drag their sledges to the hill where they meet, just to play until darkness falls.

Hey all,

I have recently received some emails and other things from various men that refer to something I have written that I do not really know about, but it's certainly about sex.

I know an old article I wrote on commission ( it is always on assignment such is written, at least by me ) by Magazine M or Amelia, now available to read on the web. It's about six things you never dared to ask about sex or anything like that. I think it was written for ten – fifteen years ago and since sex always attracts and the editors thought it was good, it has been reused – and is the most read article on Magasin M's website.

But there is another text as well, which I do not know about, who is moving right now and who makes men write things to me. It's quite a lot about the fact that I'm apparently bitter about men and have bad experiences on the erotic level and that I should either go to hell or try their unbeatable ability. I sometimes get to know some details as well. It makes me laugh a little to myself.

Firstly; they think that the articles that appear in all kinds of magazines are written based on the writer's privacy? They do not understand that articles are written on behalf of editors – admittedly in consultation with the selected writer? That I have been selected to write about erotica several times is a remnant of my first adult novel ” Leontines längtan ” that came 2004 . It has erotic elements and was described at the time as ” tantsnusk” only because there was a woman on 44 years who had written some erotic scenes in his story. After these attempts to describe a general human experience on a sensual, female way, I have many times been hired in different contexts to write something that has erotic tones.

For a period of my life, I also had an almost uncontrollable desire to tease the large mass of ordinary middle-aged Swedish men, who think they are equal in a decent way, but which to such an extent are copies of previous generations of men, if you scratch the surface. However, very complacent, in the notion that they are obviously the best. This may not apply to men who are in 45 age TODAY but it was very much for those who were at the peak of life for 15 years ago. Honestly, I laughed to myself when I wrote things I knew provoked men. By the way, I thought it was fun to tease middle-aged women about the issue as well.

Not so long ago I wrote something about my blog ( maybe ten years ago though ) middle-aged men's need for young women in bed or whatever. It irritates many. And is very read. And I have written that men in general are bad lovers. That's hardly news? They have been a pure tradition for a long time? The female body is complicated, or not really, but whoever approaches it must have some curiosity with him. Many men lack that curiosity and that does not only apply in bed! I think women are curious in a completely different way than men and until they die. Of course it is to some extent prejudiced to say so but I think it fits quite well with reality – trots allt! 🙂

I do not really know why but at the moment I get some propaganda a week regarding my supposed sex life, from men. So they think I'm disappointed with men. Men! Would I – if I were- trumpet it out loud??? VA??? About my own privacy??? VA???

Aldrig i livet! The reason I can write about this is that I am lucky not to be disappointed in my men. Really not. I have a lot to look forward to. It's weird, det där; that just because someone writes about a general phenomenon ( which is really not news ) so some believe that the writer is talking about himself!? That's a concern.

Förresten, when I wrote Glappet, it seemed that especially male journalists were completely amazed

”But why did you write this? You're good-looking!”

As if the whole discussion about the demand for women as stylish objects for men's eyes, would not touch a woman who had ” the tour ” to fall within the scope of what is considered to be ” attractive” in a patriarchal society driven by cynical commercialism?

The same thing happened to the Destroyer. Journalists that I respect said on several different occasions ”But you are intelligent! You are pretty! You are successful! You are love! If only you were stupid, ugly and lonely! These are the kind of people you think happen badly!”

Something is very ill-considered here, in many, as it turns out. The comment above did not come from a man, märk väl. It was completely spontaneous. Of course, the reaction is also a consequence of the myths that continue to protect psychopaths; that is, they are drawn to the weakest. The same ignorance as the idea that ” good looking ” women would not suffer from a society that heartlessly demands female beauty.

I could write The Destroyer because I'm a strong woman. I could write Glappet because I am a strong woman. I can write that men are bad lovers because I myself have good experiences. I can write anything, because I'm a writer – above all. Author understands before. We see. We formulate what we see , which others for various reasons do not have the opportunity to formulate – or see. It is part of our mission in life. Sometimes it is superficially and commercially packaged, sometimes not.

Alltså, to be a writing person is to constantly be confused with other people's ideas about who writes and why it writes. Can one not understand that the writing is reflections on the common reality? That the person who writes is like a painting artist, or a dancer, or a musician. We capture some of the reality in our web of words, we sometimes manage to get hold of something important and we try to describe it. Words are our art. I sometimes feel shackled by other people's narrow understanding of what words are – seen from my side, as sender.

Wondering about the painting artist, which perhaps describes a situation of distance between man and woman, an intimate situation that everyone can interpret in the same way as my words really, if she / he also receives a lot of letters from unknown men who feel compelled to either ask one to go to hell with his ” bitterness ” or offer their sexual services? I think when it comes to the painted or dancing art , you see that it is a fragment, reflections, caught in an expression. But as a writer, you should always be responsible for everything. Personally.

Therefore, diaries are dangerous. You should NOT read other people's diaries! Everything that is written down has such a convincing power. It is not possible to say ”But I was just thinking about this… ” when even one reads something … catastrophic… which one has written down only to be able to view, reflect, try and understand something. You can not see the magic, the fleetingness of what is printed in a diary; that will be the truth.

Some developments in my text, as usual but this is my wardrobe! I do not correct much, here. I chat! Corrects and follows a line I get to do at work. I actually have no desire for that here. So I must blame myself.

Suck, at least I get TIRED when unknown people confuse me with something I have written. The destroyer is, of course, one thing, but of course it is not a picture of my true life either, the true man i. How could you get it down in a book? In a text you have to decide on a line.

I'll let that happen, pretty much, in these blogs. But you get it, will?

Slutsats; words are very complicated to deal with. And everything is still there after one. You would simply have done something else!

Good continuation of the new year!

Hey all,

now it will soon be too much to think about but I wish everyone – nej, just the kind-hearted – a merry and joyful Christmas.

Joyful is a wonderful word!

I myself am going on an adventure with the whole gang, including a four-legged little creature 8 months. We will see if we succeed with our intentions – and if we then also succeed in getting back home in a tidy manner.

In the meantime, I will not write anything, but will return with new healthy touches after New Year.

So I take the opportunity to wish you all a happy new year as well!

Best regards

Christina

Everyone has probably read about some of our influential people, in this way powerful women who mourn their lost beauty, and that men no longer regard them with the same blazing zeal as before.

I'm worried about this. It's a shame they've aired it openly. One thing is well to discuss the demand for female beauty and the bizarre in that women ” does not count ” och ” not visible ” (if they do not capture men's immediate sexual interest, nor do female get reactions to her appearance) as they get older – that women who already have difficulty asserting themselves because of their gender, after a certain age is considered to be even more difficult to be considered a person with pondus. It can be analyzed and reflected on and also questioned the substance in, but that yourself, as an influential woman publicly complaining that one has aged and is not doing as well in the picture, or can use their pleasures to secure space, är…. sad.

These are women that others admire. Women that women admire. Women as young women, as well as older women admire. Something falls flat to the ground. It's getting pretty crappy.

Dock. Vanity is not a negative trait. It is something man brings with him, one of her colors on the palette that is human creation – and joy in living and wanting to celebrate the beautiful and beautiful that life is. We should be grateful for the vanity. (It means that we take care of our hygiene, inte minst. ) You should not be ashamed of your vanity or your longing for beauty. It is found in all cultures and times, but to let oneself be chained by ” the male gaze” – or perhaps rather our culture's commercial view of our personal revelation in the world, is what everyone knows, painful, tragic, hopeless, a waste of energy and well-being. Many have been surprised by the lamentation of these influential women. Many have been disappointed, really disappointed with this bare, sad lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Men age too. They also have a harder time aging beautifully, if we are going to nag about it. But as we know, women are attracted to men because of their power, their influence, their potential talent, so it should not be a problem purely in terms of confirmation that they mostly become incredibly less beautiful as older than as young. Detta, to continue to be considered sexually acceptable and to continue to be able to make a smashing impression to manipulate, is thus only a problem for women.

But why openly keep up with this and ”admit ” his pain – as a woman – over not being able to use their appearance as before , for confirmation, for opportunities? Then I perceive this public pain as an acceptance of the shit order and that you yourself have de facto contributed, with satisfaction, to carry it up. I think that women in general and not least young and growing women would rather see these influential people, powerful women age – with dignity. With a stable sense of self-respect. There is always beauty in it. Alltid.

Its sad. In addition, they can fix themselves if it considers it so crucial. It makes people completely open, post on social media and praise for it. )Now that everyone knows that they want to be a little prettier, they can do it without people raising their eyebrows – on the contrary, they may receive tributes!)

I wrote the TV series GLAPPET a long time ago. It is partly about these issues and what this does to us. I had been thinking about it for a very long time. For my part, I felt trapped in the package everyone else saw, my exterior, since I was in my teens. The starting shot for GLAPPET occurred when I was 16 years and went to high school on Lidingö. I always had, since childhood, been a brooding girl, very reflective and no one goes in herd. One day I wrote an article to the school newspaper that the well-to-do schoolmates had not been able to get to school when it was a theme day about alcoholism. Only a handful of students were there. It provoked me, my schoolmates' lack of interest and indifference to the world outside the safe island. The principal and other adults thanked me. My schoolmates, who only saw the package of me and had an idea of ​​who I was because I was cute, blonde and attractive, came up to me and said things like ” is it really you who wrote it? Is not your brother?” och ” I NEVER thought you were really thinking!”

It shocked me. Deep. So I lived in a huge gap between who I was and who I was interpreted to be only based on my ” skönhet ” . Min ” skönhet ” also made it tricky with all the relationships with other girls, except my best friends. I was exposed to quite a lot of shit just because I was so called ” vacker ”, both from other girls, curious guys and horny teachers. I have encountered a lot of disloyalty among girls, what is classified as ”envy ” one in some years ( high school, teens mainly maybe) blind aggression that is not to be played with. And that in the company of girls is often forced to be aware that I was considered beautiful and therefore could not be myself, but must quickly signal some humility in order not to be viewed negatively, lasted until I was about 30 years and became a mother. After that, it was no longer as tricky with women's relationships, for which I was extremely grateful! But after I divorced and became a single woman, the problems arose again and I was perceived as a threat- though I have far from been a threat to any other woman. Ja, sure, beauty gives a lot of plus, också- a lot of pluses that I probably do not even reflect on, because I have not experienced anything else. Men…jag vet inte, not being a projection surface for others' prejudices may also be quite positive.

For how wonderful it is not to be able to move anywhere as a free and invisible human being without attracting men's attention and women's resistance? Not being able to have a cup of tea in a café, do not sit on a train alone, not being able to go to the movies alone, not being able to walk through a room without being forced to become aware of all men's gazes, or on sidewalks and into shops? To constantly think about what you are wearing so as not to further signal something that you are not looking for, while others may have tank tops and shorts and sleek dresses, without anyone , neither woman nor man, comment on it? And having to deal with jealous partners who think you are who you are because you constantly REQUIRE confirmation from the opposite sex, though the only thing one is is to be normally nice, if even that? Eller… as said, just walked through a room in a red dress. It's not fun to worry about your partner, as other men's eyes glide over one.

Why it's all about us and what we do and are? Men then – and their ideas about us?

I do not suffer from losing my beauty, not very much. I think it's great to be able to walk around the world without feeling like I'm there to decorate it or evoke the dreams of passers-by. I think it's great to avoid being pulled in by all sorts of men who want to entice me to admire them so that they can get me to bed. Now I could even go out and dance myself probably without having to tell the doorman to stop anyone trying to get out at the same time as me, so that no one will be able to follow me; as it has been only a few years ago. Is it something fun? Inte. Ack, inte!

And why is it not enough that the man / partners you have by your side think you are beautiful? I do not understand, but I, on the other hand, have been spoiled at this point.

Of course, it's sad to see how the face collapses and strange lines appear. But it's fascinating at the same time! That's life! All ages are on the face!

But with that said, I do not want to hide under a chair because I am, of course, vain. I do not think anyone wants an ugly and unfavorable image of one to be printed in the newspaper. Everyone wants to be nice in the picture. I can also undo small howls when I see how I change. And I can see my aged mother in me. It is a sign that everything is right , on the other hand. The families come and go!

The rhythm of life is beautiful. We can like that about everything and everyone else. The rhythm of the trees. And always the adorable baby animals and the adorable buds and the sheer hopeful light of spring!

Om och om igen, they come. The adorable kids, the beautiful beautiful young animals. Så är det bara. We are part of this. And strong, influential women get lines, hakor, rubbery bodies and veined hands. But why not be just as proud of it? We carry everything within us.

It's a sick one, to always look at ourselves from the outside. That way, no one will ever be satisfied. That disease is taking more and more hold , it seems. It's something very sad, very sad – and plot -about it. It makes no one happy.

Hey all,

today the fourth candle is lit in the candlestick and it is wonderful to see that in only two weeks the darkness will turn and the light will come back. For me who is not a Christian, this candlestick is a very welcome alternative with its six candles for each week from Mårten Goose to the Winter Solstice. For me who is not waiting for the Son of God, it gives happiness to see Time and Rhythm and how light approaches, because we are part of the space dance of the universe.

I bought the candlestick in the form of a Viking ship from a woman named Yvonne Ledin, you can find her on FB or as YLLISAR on Instagram. From there I got a couple of wonderful felted wrist warmers as well, as compensation for a small mishap.

Many ask when the next book will come, but I may disappoint you. There is nothing wrong with the ideas, but the energy. I do not have the power and the glow back. My brain tells me to just soften and cuddle and socialize and do fun things, such as I have not been able to for eternity because I have been in the curse! So to speak. Now I have finally got to see a real psychologist who has explained how it all fits together. I SHOULD NOT be tired, anser jag. No longer!

I'm so tired of the oldest part of my brain – we are animals and the oldest part of the brain that, among other things, controls the autonomic nervous system ( as I understood it ) think I'm still under threat, that I'm in danger. So the brain holds me, the one who wants me to get away from the threat, awake and puts my body in a state of immense restlessness. The stress hormone cortisol continues to be mass-produced. This of course tires out the organism that is me, because the condition has been going on for so many years, from the fact that the danger and threat were immediate and real.

Unfortunately, there is still a danger, namely the threat that I will not be able to cope financially. That's why I have to work ( except that I want to write ) but the feeling of threat simultaneously drains the organism, so I am constantly dead tired except in the moments when I do what my brain appeals to; Having a great time. Dock, I'm really not in URGENT DANGER! It's even a long time ago now. But writing THE DESTRUCTOR delayed the process. Probably the analysis of everything helped, which I had to do to write it, me to get over my PTSD. But my organism, after all, my ancient brain had to remain in the horror that has been, although not as much, because the writing helplessly aroused the old anxiety. Then there was some anxiety associated with the release as well. You forget that you are a very old brain too!

To break this, so I do not lose all strength, I must take the words of the psychologist very seriously. It's only a week since I got this very logical explained to me. It has been too many years with too much pressure. Like so many other women and especially mothers, I think I have infinite powers and just want to quickly get on the right keel and roar on.

At least now I can play. And constantly telling my body that it can be calm, I will give it food and rest and fun, so that it can stop being cut and vigilant. My intellect is not cut, my intellect has moved on a long time ago, but it is about purely physiological phenomena. Very interesting! Such an excellent concrete and tangible explanation of the tiring fatigue! And possible to fix, also in a nice way.

As a writer, it is almost impossible to get sick pay and right now everyone has a hard time getting it, so I can continue to gnaw on the door moldings, but of course I have a treasure chest at home with books to sell.

Take the opportunity to buy The Destroyer, bound or in pocket, now with personal dedication! I know there are many who have listened to the one who wants the physical book because it is so important! And exciting and awful.

I also have some copies of the latest edition of Glappet and Ebba & Didrik in my hiding place. Write to me and place an order and I will send them ASAP. Postage as usual 79 kronor will be added!

Now I'm going to cast candles! Then I'll make Caramelized Apples which I still remember how ”mrs Scott” who was the wife of the other family I lived in as an exchange student in Seattle, did. She worked as a maid of the house, quiet and shy in front of her husband, the builder. I found her down in the basement where she was standing and making these beautiful apples that looked so tempting. But I did not get to taste, because I was not a believer. Nej, I was not allowed to stay in the living room either. And then I had two tasks: go out with the garbage and clean the fat dog's ears.

It was very loving with the highly respected Scott family in the Church. She always brought the best cakes to church coffee. Scott's father scared the whole family, but they did not know about it. Or you looked through your fingers at it. As usual.

Nej, now it will be dark soon this tuesday in december and i will melt the wax and roll the beeswax candle and light the fourth candle in the waiting candlestick, but feel free to think about whether you do not want any of my books with dedication on your bookshelf!

My wonderful friend Lena always finds nice, beautiful, wise phenomena, experiences and things and now she has found the candlestick.

I fell for it immediately, because I like the old customs and what they have meant to us in the dark Nordic countries, as Midsummer Eve and Walpurgis Night, but just this time… the dark November, December when the darkness deepens even more and we count the days until the light turns.. what should we do with it? Adventsljusstaken, which is about waiting for Jesus, has been allowed to function as ”companion” through the darkness. That it is a matter of waiting for the birth of Jesus must be thought out a little. I have nothing against Jesus, tvärtom, but I am not a Christian at all. Therefore, it feels a bit.. so there… when you pick out your Advent candlesticks every year and light your candles. Actually, it feels like a bit of the strength of the plot is lacking, as if it is not really bottoming out, as if it were a bit of an outside influence. Although a very important one, because these wonderful lights make us feel better.

That is for sure for many.

My father was a fan of the Icelandic fairy tales and the old asatron and it amazes me and many others that we do not learn more about these. No matter how you feel about it, it should be part of our inner culture's cultural treasure, the treasure we should carry with us from school from which we should then be able to scoop and bounce against when we trot through all of life's hardships and moments of joy. We know basically nothing about the old tales and myths that were woven under the stars in our exciting part of the earth, where it is either very light or very dark. Why do we know so little about these old Nordic tales and myths and figures and symbols? There is so much nourishment for creativity and imagination! I do not know much I either, because I did not listen to my father, but the interest was aroused and since adolescence I have been thinking: ”one day”, like so much else, have I thought I should improve in asatron and the old fairy tales. Men ”one day ” applies to most things, so I'll not get there.

On the way to the end, when nothing has been done, In any case, the TURNING LIGHT appeared. It has six candles, the first of which is lit six weeks before the winter solstice. At the time of writing, I do not know WHY it is exactly six weeks, but do not mind me. Then it appears that it is a candlestick and not an Advent candlestick. You light a candle for each week you approach the RETURN OF THE LIGHT, and it does happen 21 december. It's the day it turns and we can see how the day brightens again. JA! Wow! I want that! Äntligen!

It really SPEAKS to me, and I think that applies to many, who does not know about this (nya) custom inspired by the times before we became Christians. No god stands above it all like a judgmental or forgiving tyrant. THE WAITING CANDLEHOLDER is just about waiting for the light to return. As we sing about in the Lucia songs…. the light we love, even more so because we also feel the darkness that surrounds us during the winter, this magical darkness … which you TIRED of! And that makes it human, embracing, gives everyone the opportunity to celebrate. Every week a new candle is lit but it 21 December the last is lit., so if it is one If you want you can decorate it with six different runes like Lena. I'll probably do that. I love watching runes and learned the runes when I was little because I wanted to be able to read on old rune stones.

According to Lena Månstråle's interpretation, the six runes mean the following:

Feh : the rune of prosperity. Prosperity through gratitude for what one has.

clock: original power and new start

Thurs: Åskrunan. Tors runa. All radical change takes place through chaos. Thor breaks through the darkness and thunders and flashes!

Ass: The rune of the air and the wind. ( like letting go and FLYing instead of muttering around in the dunes)

Reid: The trolley run. The journey of life. The strongest protection rune.

Kenwas: The fire. The inner fire. Spark of life, viability.

Maybe they did not mean this from the beginning! But it's good for me.

Now I long until I get home the WAITING CANDLEHOLDER! And it almost makes me long for next fall already, then I can be with from the first of the six candles.

Continued yesterday's post

Hey all,

something was weird yesterday with my website. I would have written a lot more, but it was not included in the post.

What I wanted to say is that everyone who has been involved in abuse of any kind may be, In addition to receiving support from a psychologist, they should also be able to do a major investigation regarding their physical health. The mental fatigue that follows an abuse ( which can also be done by phone; think the old ones who are robbed over the phone; the new way to get over other people's money ) can be so deep that you think you are dying. I thought so myself, to this fall. Why should I start something new, when I'm dying anyway?

My former health center that knew everything about my history with the destroyer and more, did not want to cost me an investigation of the fatigue. It was considered too expensive. So I have continued to be sure that I am employed by a nasty disease that will still take my life in the end, pretty soon even, now that the destroyer could not really crush me.

By pure chance, a doctor caught this complex, when I applied for my fatigue – not at my old unhelpful health center but at one of KRYS physical health centers. Personally, I had missed the idea that my fatigue could be due to PTSD to oblivion – I was admittedly diagnosed with PTSD both from the hospital I first contacted 2014 when we had reported, and also precisely by the unhelpful health center called YOUR CARE CENTER, but no one had cared much about it, so I assumed I was just allowed to have it that way, då.

The young doctor at KRY caught up with what I said in passing about having been exposed to a psychopath and she decided that we should do an investigation of my physical condition to rule out illness.. Only THAT made me lift with relief. I was taken seriously.

The care! I am thinking of THE VALUE AND TASK OF CARE! Is not exactly this to CARE? To say ”we investigate you for your fatigue, but I think you're suffering from PTSD. But just so you know – and for all of us to know – then we will check you first so you can be free from your worries, which makes everything even heavier.”

Jo, IT is to CARE and to take their patients seriously. and THAT can not be said is the usual experience when we, who are tired and weary of the trials of life, asking for help. As we all know, women are also treated with less respect and seriousness than men who seek care, not least if we are also a little older.

I flew on light wings out of the KRY health center that day and felt the hope of a better life, than what is to survive. IT takes a lot of power, can I promise, to survive. There will not be much more content than trying to balance.

Now I know that all values ​​are almost remarkable! I'm healthy as a nut. And have every reason to be grateful for it, which I sincerely am. And now I know that the gigantic fatigue is something I can deal with. It feels justified, because I'm not dying!

But the experience of being dying is a consequence of the traumatic thing that happened. I'm not unique, and thus it is crowded with people who unnecessarily carry on another despair, in addition to the one they suffered from someone's violence against them. The despair of believing that one is probably actually dying as a consequence of an abuse is probably as invisible as anything that can be more immediately associated with the suffering victim of violence, physical, mentally, economic violence, whatever it may be, have to deal with.

As always, I think most of all those who have been sexually abused. And who can never get redress in court. To bear all the deep violations of privacy, which damages both the most intimate physical and mental spheres…. no wonder many of the victims of sexual violence are losing their former power, its direction, their previous opportunities for success, peace and happiness.

The suffering of crime victims must cost society, who counts everything in money, gigantic sums. The knowledge about the victims of violence and abuse is so small. Even today, we have to manage most on our own. And society is not even able to stop those who use violence against others. Ödeläggaren, despite a sentence of three years in prison and the comment ” he is very dangerous to other people” by Frivården's investigators was placed in prison with the lowest security and when it was time for him to report, he was already abroad for several months.

But back to healthcare. Part of the victims' suffering, which lasts more or less for a large part of the rest of their lives, could be captured and relieved, but it does not happen. I have sought help myself. And even when seeking help, you do not get it. A tired woman, who had some difficult experiences, haha, such a yes. We give her sleeping pills and antidepressants!

I do not want sleeping pills and antidepressants! I want action. This is my life! Not even me, who gets a lot of support through all the wonderful readers who get in touch with me after reading THE DESTRUCTOR, has enough power to change the standstill. Jo, finally! But mostly thanks to an attentive and insightful young doctor at an ambitious health center , in this case KRY.

I wish there was a program that was always ready to pick in all the new victims of abuse and violence. First, an investigation of their physical health, then qualified psychological help ( not one who sits and looks to fall asleep while crying) and then CBT to help one get concrete order in his days again, and to help you see where there is light and strength in what you do and think and feel and how you can add more of it. CBT works great with digital meetings! In addition, physical exercise-to regain the feeling of being in his body, the feeling that there is room to move in, and to bring out some of his encapsulated anger. All of this together could help all huge numbers of victims of various kinds of violence to heal better, to become a functioning citizen again, and give hope to others in despair. You have to move forward but you have to have a lot of help to be able to do it.

All this I have applied for and paid for myself even though I have no money because the criminal almost put me on a bare hill and I do not exactly get a monthly salary as a writer.

Such an ambitious program for people who have fallen victim to the heartlessness of other citizens, evil, Of course, crime does not exist and will never exist. But just a thorough review of physical health would help many. However, it is almost impossible to get if you do not pay privately and it costs many thousands.

A thorough health examination may sound unnecessary, but I'm pretty sure of that. Everything settles within us, in our brain, in our body.

This is not news. But it seems that everything that is CARE is downgraded, eller …. it has probably never been a priority! How about society'S CARE about the women who give birth to children? How well a society functions in terms of care for its citizens can be deduced from school and care. Of course, we have heaven here in comparison with many other countries, but maybe not so good anyway. Not if you want to consider our democracy as modern, good country for all of us.

A great revolution should take place and if that day happens, so much more will be better for everyone: change the male role.

Or to be correct CONTINUE to change the male role! One of the most important.

Kära vänner, very strange but someone completely unknown has in English managed to post a blog on my website. I removed it. Do not know what it was. Mysko.

I was going to write about how you can feel after being traumatized – for example, by a psychopath, like myself. My book The Destroyer describes some of what happened to me, for example.

It is now four years ago, in a few days, as we finally got to the point of trial. Then it was almost four years since we had reported. FOUR YEARS! Since he had committed a crime that risked giving him more than two years in prison, he would have been detained after the trial – but that did not happen. He could without any problems, despite the fact that he received the sentence THREE YEARS PRISON as easily as a platter leave the country. Because he had appealed the verdict, the verdict had not gained legal force and he was as free as anyone.

How can it be legally certain?

Nåja, now it has been a number of years since the verdict became final, it happened 1 mars 2019. ( it would not be up in the Court of Appeal until THIRTEEN MONTHS after the verdict was handed down so he had all that time to prepare his sort ) and everything in the victim's life ( it happens to be me ) is much better, so much better that it is not even possible to compare. It's like another world. But it's not good for that.

During these years, after we reported ( 2014 ) I have been so enormously tired that I have thought I was dying. I have not believed it all the time but I have especially believed it after the book was finished and published. Then I should have become PIGG! Of course I'm alert too, very alert and also happy, men ändå… in me I am TIRED. This has meant that I have not felt particularly motivated to give the iron as I usually do. I have not WORKED IN my brain and body out of desire to work or other direction and curiosity and zeal. Jo, everything has been there , but not the power….not the real fervor needed to be a writer.

I have thought, not fully conscious, but I have thought that I am still dying and will die within six months. What's the point then?? More than being in the moment and enjoying it.

Now I have, as I have mentioned before, finally taken seriously by CARE, in this case KRY.

And investigated lengthwise and crosswise. And I'm HEALTHY. Super fresh. I do not even suffer from a single small deficiency.

Fatigue is therefore ONLY mental.